DRAWN FROM THE JOURNAL
Listening before fixing
When the urge to protect gets ahead of hearing what someone needs.
The challenge in this entry
In Listening without Fixing, a mother wants to protect her daughter from name-calling. Her mind moves quickly toward solutions. The conversation then shifts toward her suggestions, while her daughter is still trying to explain what happened.
The intention is care. The question is how to make that care feel like support in the conversation they are actually having.
A SMALL WAY FORWARD
Hear her, then ask.
- Notice the rush to solve. In the entry, the writer catches herself and acknowledges that she got ahead of her daughter.
- Make room to hear what happened. Leave the suggestions for a moment and return attention to what she is saying.
- Ask what kind of support she wants. “Do you want me to just listen, or do you want help figuring out what to do?”
Listening and taking something seriously
Listening first does not mean ruling out action. In the entry, the writer leaves room to discuss options together and to name a concern about safety plainly. Hearing her daughter is part of understanding what support is needed.
This is a reflection drawn from the writer’s own account, rather than a promise that one question will resolve every difficult conversation.
Follow the thread
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All the ideas in The PsychGeneral education and our own experience, not therapy or medical advice. Reading this does not create a professional or therapeutic relationship.
SOMETHING PRACTICAL
Tools that help
Listen or Help? card
A reminder to hear what happened, then ask what kind of support is wanted. Available as this week’s free email resource.
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