Dinner with my Daughter...with some real conversation!

My daughter and I were leaving an event we had gotten dressed up for, and I asked if she wanted to go to dinner.

She loves getting dressed up. This is the same daughter who, two nights earlier, “didn’t have anything to wear.” Somehow, we had made it out of the house dressed.

Her dinner suggestion? Chipotle.

Eventually, she came around to something else, and we ended up having dinner together. While we were there, I started showing her some of the things we’ve been creating for Psyching Life. Then we took out the conversation cards.

I thought we would need the timer

When I pictured using these cards with my teenager, I assumed this would be a timer situation. Ten minutes. A few questions. A little participation, and then we could move on.

We used them for a good hour.

And she was the one saying, “Your turn.” “My turn.”

“Your turn.” “My turn.” For a good hour.

After all the thinking about how to get a little more than “fine,” “nothing,” or “bruh,” there we were. Having a conversation. Taking turns. Neither of us needing to come up with the next question.

I don’t want to skip over that just because it went well. I can spend plenty of time thinking about the conversations that didn’t go the way I hoped. This one deserves some attention, too.

Some real conversation, too

There were also times when she shared things she said she had been “saving for graduation.”

I had to take a deep breath.

Some of what she was sharing brought up concern for me. And there was that familiar challenge again: I wanted her to talk to me, but I also had to make room to hear what she was saying. Even when it wasn’t all easy to hear.

I didn’t want my concern to take over the moment. I could take what she shared seriously and still pay attention to the fact that she was choosing to tell me. I wanted to keep listening.

We were having the kind of real conversation I had been hoping for. Staying in it took a little work on my part, too.

Then she asked for her own version

She asked if we could create a card link for her phone to use with her friends.

Okay. I was hoping we might get through a few questions together. I wasn’t expecting a request for a friends version.

And now it’s here: Friend Cards, for her phone and yours. Questions for hanging out, sleepovers, lunch, or a long ride. Some are ridiculous, some are real, and anyone can pass.

The parent-and-teen cards are still available below, too, in printable form and as swipeable questions on your phone.

Gotta celebrate the successes

This doesn’t mean every dinner will turn into an hour of conversation. Or that we’ve figured out communicating with teenagers. We will absolutely have more one-word-answer days.

But this happened. A dinner we hadn’t planned turned into time together that I really appreciated. And something I thought might require a timer became something she wanted to keep doing.

This is how I’m psyching life: remembering to notice when something works, too. Gotta celebrate the successes.

SHE ASKED. WE MADE IT.

Friend Cards

175 questions for teens and their friends. Choose your vibe, swipe one question at a time, and pass whenever you want. No account or download required.

Open Friend Cards on your phone

Save psychinglife.com/friends/ or send the link to a friend.

WHAT WE’RE PRACTICING

Celebrate the successes

Notice when we connect, and give that moment some attention. This dinner wasn’t just about getting her talking. It was about taking a deep breath when what she shared was hard to hear, and not letting my concern take over the conversation. We’re still practicing. We can celebrate this, too.